The "Mainstream" Family Research Council Says Katrina and Rita Are A "Warning" For "Grave National Sins" (Part of the Christ Weary Series):
In Rolling Stone this past week, in the midst of its excellent coverage of the post-Katrina insanity, there's a list of quotes (in the print version) from various "religious" figures about the hurricane being evidence that God, Jesus, or whatever is mightily pissed at the United States (and/or homosexuality). Yep, God's showin' us who's boss, they say. Not a one of the quoted people of faith are anything more than fringe-ass nuts beggin' for air time, except for Hal Lindsey, who's been tellin' us the end of days is here since he stopped beshitting his diaper, and Pat Robertson, who's quickly disappearing into a miasma of irrelevance.

But now a group that's considered even more mainstream among the monkeyfuck insane Christian right and the media is saying the same thing.

See, the Rude Pundit, under a secret nom de rude, is a member of Super Duper Prayer Team of the Family Research Council, which is part of James Dobson's wackoid empire, and they're kickin' out the Jesus jams on what's what about the dual hurricanes. Here, from the latest Prayer Team Target e-mail, is the FRC's Tony Perkins, who has appeared on Fox "News" and MSNBC shows with regularity. After quoting Abe Lincoln's Day of Fasting Proclamation from 1863 (which he also proclaimed in 1861, but it's not quite as fun as the 1863 one), Perkins gets to the meat of the hate:

"America has committed grave national sins that are manifest in our public policies, our court rulings, our laws, and in many other spheres of our culture. Our involvement in the public arena may help godly counsel and common sense to prevail in the White House, the halls of Congress and the Supreme Court, but we have no control over the weather or many other natural events. Thus, we must bow before the Sovereign God of the Universe and appeal to Him for mercy, pleading for Him to intervene to stave off the judgments we deserve.

"Amid the media to-do about Katrina and who to blame for less-than-instant relief, few, very few, called for self-examination, repentance and a crying out to God for the moral change we must have as a nation. Whether we believe God sent or allowed these calamities we can be sure that America has received a warning from Heaven that WE MUST HEED!

"There are many public policy issues over which we could pray today and in the days ahead, but this is most urgent.

"Please pray that God will move upon pastors and civic leaders to speak out boldly & plainly to call America back to God (Joel 2:17ff).

"Pray that our national, state and local leaders, civic and religious, will call America to repentance & prayer. May they following the pattern set by our leading forefathers and issue proclamations setting aside specific days and seasons for corporate fasting, prayer, repentance. May they hold public and private Solemn Assemblies for confession of sin, repentance and seeking the Face of God (Joel 1:14).

"May God have mercy upon Louisiana and Texas. May He preserve people's lives and give special help to the elderly, poor, weak, handicapped & children (Ps 9:all)."

Goddamn, the Rude Pundit loves that last one, like the kind of afterthought Jesus might have had - like, "Oh, shit, almost forgot..." But it is worthless to argue with people who think a mystical sky wizard farted giant anus-looking storms to fuck up the Gulf Coast twice. It's worthless to ask why God decided to kick the asses of the poorest people, black and white, while leaving the French Quarter, where all the sex, booze, and feather queen fashion shows reign supreme, relatively unscathed.

It's because the wacky God of fundamentalists is as inconsistent and incomprehensible as a pet ferret that's gotten into your meth stash. God's hatin', he's lovin', he's smitin', he's depositin' great gobs o' god jizz into a teenage virgin. Really, this version of God's got quite the multiple personality syndrome. Man, the ancient cultures had it all over Christians in this god shit: instead of tryin' to come up with one all-encompassing God, they had all those many deities to blame shit on. The Mayans had kick-ass gods, like Ah-Puch, the most vicious god of death; Ixtab, the goddess of suicide; Cizin, the earthquake god; and Ixchel, the moon goddess. So you didn't have to fit disaster and happiness into one god figure. You could blame anyone you wanted. It's so much more convenient. It's so much less mind-blowing. And it doesn't require the faux-cryptic "we cannot know the ways of God." If it's a fuckin' earthquake god, you know what that bastard does.

But let's say, for a moment, that the Christian God is "warning" America, that it's a whole Sodom and Gomorrah deal. Maybe we could say that God's saying that it's time to work on the whole global warming thing. Maybe we could say that launching a big-time God attack on an oil production center says it's time to start buildin' more hybrid cars. Hell, maybe we could say that there's worse sins than tossin' a few coins on a craps table while gettin' fellated by your boyfriend.

Surely, though, when we see images of Bush in the Colorado "command" center, we are looking into a pillar of salt, the face of the one who looked back, to see what he had left behind, and he is frozen into place.