The State of the Union Is "Why Fuckin' Bother?":
George W. Bush's State of the Union speech was bad news for budding Dr. Moreau's out there. Every "major" speech by Bush has at least one "What the fuck did he just say?" moment, and last night had its share. But the one that has garnered the most reaction was this line, "Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research – human cloning in all its forms … creating or implanting embryos for experiments … creating human-animal hybrids." Yes, Dr. Moreau, the President will force you to an uncharted island to create your unholy lemurmen and pantherwomen.

But, then again, the entire speech was bad news for brown people everywhere. Brown people, for Bush, are either diseased or servants. For instance, both mentions of AIDS were about brown people: "We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/AIDS" and "More than a million Americans live with HIV, and half of all AIDS cases occur among African-Americans...We will also lead a nationwide effort, working closely with African-American churches and faith-based groups, to deliver rapid HIV tests to millions..." When Bush said he wanted to "end the stigma of AIDS," the Rude Pundit guesses that means Bush wants to change it from a "fag disease" to a "nigger disease."

And the niggering continued with Bush's proposals about "illegal immigration," which doesn't mean poor Russian models who can't get a green card, but is code for "brown people who no speakee the English." Bush proclaimed the need for the beneficent enslavement of the brown people: "[W]e must have a rational, humane guest worker program that rejects amnesty … allows temporary jobs for people who seek them legally," or, in other words, "All that hirin' Paco and Pacette you big ass agribusinesses and other companies been doin' fer years, payin' them shit wages, no benefits, and threats to send 'em home if they bitch? Let's make it legal."

Diseased servants, man, and props. Seated next to Laura Bush, but unrecognized during the ceremony, were Fawzia Kofi, an member of the Afghanistan National Assembly, and Ja’Detrus Hamilton, a black teenager Freedom Corps member from the Gulf Coast. Yep, between them and Rex, the bomb-sniffin' dog back from Iraq (really), it was a fuckin' rainbow in the gallery.

But for all the attention to Afghanistan and Katrina relief, the dog got the better end of the deal. In the context of the speech, the Rude Pundit couldn't help but think that Bush's mere "52 seconds," according to CNN morning hottie Soledad O'Brien, on Katrina was, in essence, "You Southern-fried brown people are on your own." The biggest natural disaster in recent American history, an entire city fucked, and the best Bush's speech wranglers could muster was a brief mention near the end of the speech, saying that, while cleaning up, "we must also address deeper challenges that existed before the storm arrived. In New Orleans and in other places, many of our fellow citizens have felt excluded from the promise of our country." Which'd be great if, say, corpses weren't still being found.

However, the Katrina part and so many other sections of the speech existed in some nebulous bizarro America, without the existence of Republicans, neo-cons, religious nutzoids, and corporate hegemonies dictating policy. When Bush would bring up a problem, the only rational response would be, "Umm, who created that problem?" Stigma of AIDS? Lack of OB-GYNs? Don't think that was liberals who drove OB-GYNs out of rural counties. Too many special interest projects? Who's running the fuckin' Congress and who's signin' the budgets? And Bush sayin' that Americans are "addicted to oil" is like your crack dealer standin' over your shakin', shittin' body and tellin' you it's time to get off the crack, but, hey, while you're doin' that, you wanna buy some crack? (And his vague, unfunded proposals on weaning us off the crude teat sound like they're lifted from Jimmy Carter's late 1970s speeches and cleansed of any meaning.)

And the rest of the speech was just boring bullshit, inarguable platitudes, and head-scratchin' conundrums. Seriously, does anyone want to "surrender to evil"? 'Cause Bush sez that's not an option. And after attacking Democrats for daring to question him, he sez to "put aside partisan politics," which is shorthand for "Shut the fuck up and agree with me."

So there it was. Bush barely bothering to say anything worthwhile. Commissions to study shit. Vague monetary promises. The vow to keep spyin' because otherwise, apparently, America will become bombapalooza. The entire evening was like Bush had gone to the doctor to have his prostate examined: "Here, sir, bend over this podium and it'll be over before you know it and you don't have to it again for another year."

The only thing significant in the entire evening was the treatment of two mothers who lost children in the Iraq War. Bush recognized the parents and widow of Sergeant Dan Clay, killed in Fallujah last month (didn't we secure Fallujah by leveling it?), who stood to applause and cheers from the slavering politicians. Meanwhile, Cindy Sheehan was arrested and led out of the gallery for revealing a t-shirt that read, "2245 Dead. How many more?" She didn't even get to hear Bush promise to kill more soldiers like Dan and Casey, as well as more Iraqi civilians, in order to honor them. He may as well have dug up their corpses and made them dance, dance, grotesquely, horribly, in celebration.