The Right Wing: Dying Without Dignity:
The actual threat to Barack Obama from Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman, the pair of skinhead dickwads who were "plotting" to kill him and scores of black children, was somewhere between woolly mammoth bite and polio. Just because a couple of meth-addicted closeted homosexuals hop on the internet and sublimate their urge to sodomize each other by lashing out at others does not a realistic assassination plot make. Besides, and the Rude Pundit means this in the queer sense, it's the gayest murder spree he's heard of in a long, long time. They were gonna wear white tuxedos and top hats while gunning for Obama. Are they angry because Obama's black or because he's said he doesn't support gay marriage?

And then there's this detail: "They planned their first house robbery for last Wednesday but ended up leaving without breaking in. Instead they bought ski masks, food and rope to use in their robbery attempts." You got that? They pussied out of a robbery and went shopping together instead. Oh, Mary, please. It's like they're the worst stereotype of gay dudes. Fuckin' prison's gonna be paradise for these two. Remember: shaved heads are great for teabagging. Everyone's a winner.

Watching McCain supporters, especially the Christian right, scramble for something, anything to stick to Obama has become fine, fine bloodsport. For pure bugfuck insanity at its finest, there's the "Letter from 2012 in Obama’s America" from Focus on the Family Action, the political wing of Dr. James "Blown by Palin" Dobson's Focus on the Family (new motto: "Where Is Our God Now?"). In this 16 page ramble on how the United States has essentially been destroyed because Barack Obama became president with a Democratic congress, Dobson's group officially bends its head between its legs and licks its own taint.

What does the future hold? (It should be noted that the following shit is really part of a real document from a real organization.) According to the future Christian: "The Boy Scouts no longer exist as an organization. They chose to disband rather than be forced to obey the Supreme Court decision that they would have to hire homosexual scoutmasters and allow them to sleep in tents with young boys." Let's just let that one sit without comment.

It gets better. The letter writer makes up tons of supposed Supreme Court decisions: "The Supreme Court in 2011 nullified all Federal Communications Commission restrictions on obscene speech or visual content in radio and TV broadcasts, and television programs at all hours of the day now contain explicit portrayals of sexual acts...In addition, law enforcement officials can no longer stop the distribution of child pornography, after the Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that the such distribution violated freedom of speech and interstate commerce laws."

Did the Rude Pundit mention that this goes on for 16 pages? And it's got it all: guns are outlawed, abortion is freely available, universal health care is making euthanasia more common because old people can't get medical attention, and the Bible is banned from the public.

Overseas, "in May, 2010, Al Qaida operatives from Syria and Iran poured into Iraq in a flood and completely overwhelmed the Iraqi security forces. A Taliban-like oppression has now taken over in Iraq, and hundreds of thousands of 'American sympathizers' have been labeled as traitors, imprisoned, tortured, and killed. The number put to death may soon reach into the millions." Russia is resurgent, Israel's been nuked, and punkass President Obama just wants the U.N. to do something.

Seriously, read it all for yourself. It's one of the funniest goddamn things you'll see in weeks, especially for the many items that you'll read and think, "Well, that's not so bad. In fact, I hope that happens," like the prosecution of Bush administration officials for war crimes.

Yes, the right is facing its electoral doom with all the grace, dignity, and intelligence we've come to expect from it. If it was a dying patient, it wouldn't want to be unplugged; that motherfucker would expect its family to blow its savings to keep it on life support. So it goes on, with shouts of "socialist" and "communist" coming from the crowd when John McCain or Sarah Palin mention Obama. How fucking beaten down and deluded do you have to be to listen to and cheer on a guy worth a couple of hundred million tell you that it'd be a shame if he paid more taxes?

Indeed, reading, watching, and listening to this nonsense is like going to a particularly poorly-run day care center where the children sit around in their shit-filled diapers, crying and screaming, where the minimum wagers running the joint threaten any kid who dares to ask for more juice, where the barely articulate toddlers grunt out words they don't understand, and where the four and five year olds plot to beat up that kid who thinks he's smarter than they are. You hear about these places and you think, "Just fuckin' shut the place down. Arrest the people in charge and get those kids some love."