Jesus Disagrees With Michael J. Fox:
What the fuck is Jesus saying in the beginning of an anti-stem cell research ad? The ad, put out by the incredibly badly named Missourians Against Human Cloning, is billed as an answer to the Michael J. Fox ad in support of Claire McCaskill for Senate. And it features actors Jim "I Scourge Myself at Home" Cavaziel and Patricia "Everybody Loves Blastocysts" Heaton, as well as St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Jeff Suppan and Arizona Cardinals QB Who the Fuck Cares Since They're 1-6. The ad is specifically targeting Amendment 2, which is to be voted on by Missourians, and which would allow stem cell research in Missouri.

It's kind of a bizarro world approach to the whole stem cell research debate. They're not protestin' about killin' babies. No, it's about stopping cloning embryos for research purposes, even though the amendment actually bans all types of cloning that might lead to a baby Limbaugh stalking the earth. So everywhere in Missouri and on the airwaves you see ads that call on the people of that state to "Stop Human Cloning," as if somewhere in Branson there was an unholy laboratory creating new Gatlin Brothers to replenish the dead ones.

But more importantly, what the fuck is Jesus saying? The ad starts with Jesus mumbling something like "You borrow a nash with a shack." Is it fuckin' Aramaic? Badly pronounced Spanish? The sports guys blab about some shit, about how awful it is that research actually takes time and money, Heaton talks about how painful it is for women to donate eggs (or, more appropriately, sell them), putting it in terms of how it'll tempt poor women to do it, and Jesus comes back (as he always does) to say, "Now you know. Don't do it." Man, Jesus says no, with that just-masturbated glaze in his eyes. And the crappy commercial for the idiotic group with a backwards ass cause ends, its pro-life motives cowardly hidden.

Somehow, it doesn't dispel the image of a shaking Michael J. Fox. Nor the image of the undulating flesh of Rush Limbaugh as he quivers and jiggles while mocking Fox.