Everything You Need To Know About Fox "News" in a Single Image:


The homepage of the Fox "News" website has the following as its top stories this morning: A story about the new sell-off on Wall Street. A story about proposed legislation in California to start savings accounts for babies, even if they are from the wombs of illegal immigrants. A story about a fall in the sales of rap music. And the money shot: a story about a 23-year old teacher arrested for banging a few 14- and 15-year old male students, an act generally known throughout the history of literature and film as "coming of age." And the smug fuckin' face of Dennis "Will Blow O'Reilly For Quarters" Miller.

There you go, Fox "News" lovers: pro-rich people, pro-has-been comedian, anti-minority, and very pro-sex story exploitation. Like there's no wars, no ongoing White House chicanery on intelligence and U.S. attorneys, no...fuck, no nothing but fluff, nonsense, and money.

When people talk about fiddling while Rome burns, well, shit, this is what they talk about (and, indeed, what Frank Rich wrote about this past weekend in the New York Times). Maybe this is a teacher fuck too far, for it seems more like fiddling while screeching lunatics from the local maximum security prison invade your home, cut open your son, rape your dog, and eat your wife, not necessarily in that order. And you, dear Fox "News" reader/viewer, you just pull that bow across those strings like you're sawing down the last tree in the rain forest, like fingers in your ears, yelling "Lalala, I can't hear my family screaming so it's not happening."

Oh, by the way. On MSNBC's front page, the top stories? Stories on lax standards for day care centers, Wall Street, tornadoes in the Midwest, Arthur Schlesinger dying, and the Libby jury deliberating. Over at CNN? Those tornadoes, stocks, another helicopter crash in Iraq, news about the Taliban and Osama bin Laden, Schlesinger, and Stephen Hawking turning into a floater. Not perfect, but mostly significantly more important than rap sales, teacher pussy, and a bill in a state legislature.

And let's not give CNN too much credit, by the way, since it, like Fox, features a story about Anna Nicole Smith's upcoming funeral/orgy. Because, you know, tits trump all.