When Stupid Politicians Go Corrupt, They Will Call It "Getting a Blagojevich":
Just sayin': A man whose name rhymes with "blow me, bitch" probably oughta avoid activity that could lead him to be imprisoned. And if you've got hair like Rod Blagojevich, so ripe for jizzing onto, you should probably not be such a dick about your crimes. Seriously, Blagojevich is such a fuckin' embarrassment to corrupt politicians everywhere that he makes the Abscam dolts who crammed bribes into their pockets on camera back in the 1970s look like models of restraint and decorum.

Everyone's got their favorite parts of the complaint against Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris. Here's one of the Rude Pundit's: Blagojevich was talking to "Deputy Governor A" about the Tribune company's desire to sell Wrigley Field as it related to the Chicago Tribune's publication of an editorial calling for the governor to be impeached. Says the complaint, "During the call, Rod Blagojevich’s wife can be heard in the background telling Rod Blagojevich to tell Deputy Governor A 'to hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them.' Rod Blagojevich asked Deputy Governor A what he thinks of his wife’s idea. Deputy Governor A stated that there is a part of what Rod Blagojevich’s wife said that he 'agree[s] with.' Deputy Governor A told Rod Blagojevich that Tribune Owner will say that he does not have anything to do with the editorials, 'but I would tell him, look, if you want to get your Cubs thing done get rid of this Tribune.' Later, Rod Blagojevich’s wife got on the phone and, during the continuing discussion of the critical Tribune editorials, stated that Tribune Owner can 'just fire' the writers because Tribune Owner owns the Tribune."

Isn't that awesome? The Governor of Illinois is on the phone with a Deputy Governor while his wife is yelling, "Fuck them" in the background. What a bunch of boobs. All over Chicago, there's mobsters laughing their fat asses off because Blagojevich made mistakes that only amateurs make.

There is, perhaps, underneath all of the bribery and threats and "pay to play" bullshittery, a tender love story of a buffoonish man who just wanted to get his loving wife a good job. It's family values all the way, motherfuckers. Blagojevich "wanted to know whether SEIU could do something to get his wife a position at Change to Win," and "that he needs to find a way to take the 'financial stress' off of his family and that his wife is as qualified or more qualified than another specifically named individual to sit on corporate boards," which is not to mention "that if his wife could get on some corporate boards and 'picks up another 150 grand a year or whatever' it would help" from the horrible financial stress of being governor for another two years. See? The man wants his wife, a licensed realtor who was under investigation because she was funneled clients with state contracts, to be the best she can be.

Bonus points: Patti Blagojevich was the development director for the Chicago Christian Industrial League, raising money to help the homeless.

Bonuser points: The Chicago Tribune takes its revenge: "An unflattering portrait depicting Illinois First Lady Patricia Blagojevich as a modern-day Lady Macbeth who plotted against her husband's perceived enemies and backed his corrupt schemes emerged in court documents connected to the governor's arrest Tuesday."

When you get to the shit that involves Barack Obama's Senate seat, the level of delusional absurdity would make Samuel Beckett go, "Are you fucking nuts?" The under-investigation Blagojevich wanted to name himself to the Senate because "it was unlikely that the President-elect would name him Secretary of Health and Human Services or give him an ambassadorship because of all of the negative publicity surrounding" him. This was part of a 2-hour conference call involving Blagojevich, his wife, John Harris, and bunches of other people, the transcript of which ought to be performed at the FBI Christmas party.

After batting around a fantasy where Obama would get Ms. Blagojevich some private sector job, "Rod Blagojevich said that the consultants are telling him that he has to 'suck it up' for two years and do nothing and give this 'motherfucker [the President-elect] his senator. Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him.' Rod Blagojevich states that he will put '[Senate Candidate 4]' in the Senate 'before I just give fucking [Senate Candidate 1] a fucking Senate seat and I don’t get anything.'"

Man, that's the kind of deep power-madness and craven greed one could only call "sublime." He'll look so pretty crying in prison.