ESPN Needs to Know: Is Michael Sam Craving Straight Cock?

The only Michael Sam news you should be hearing today is that the defensive end survived the first round of cuts to remain on the St. Louis Rams roster. However ESPN reporter Josina Anderson also let us know, under questioning from the anchor, that Sam might not be showering with some of the players.

In other words, it's very important that ESPN investigate whether or not Michael Sam, who is, in case you haven't heard, openly gay, craves the cocks of his ostensibly straight teammates.

For what else could Anderson be alluding to? That Sam wallows in his own sweat longer than others? That he's shy? No, it's that he can't control his big gay boner checking out all those cocks and assholes.

Anderson "reported" that he may be delaying his showering until others are done, although, you know, it might just be because he's putting in some extra time on the field or exercising, but, no, surely it's because he fears his mad cock-gobbling urges, like some kind of jizz vampire, that he's hoping to use the shower to sate his lust for all things dong, staring at the players hung, cut, steroidally tiny, as the water glistens off their hard bodies, as Sam has to make his shower colder and colder so that he doesn't just throw himself in front of Alec Ogletree, grab his prick, and start sucking like it's a straw in a too-thick chocolate shake.

The Rams' Chris Long took to Twitter to respond with "Dear ESPN, Everyone but you is over it."

Imagine for a minute being a Rams player and Josina Anderson comes up to you and asks, "So have you showered with Michael Sam?" Which is just a way to ask, "So have you given the fag a chance to check out your junk?" Two players told Anderson that they haven't "tracked" Sam's showering habits. The Rude Pundit would bet that a couple of others might have told her to go fuck herself.

Yes, Michael Sam's showering is merely a way to emphasize his sexuality and to turn him from just another player to a predatory homosexual, loading up on jack-off thoughts by staring at Ram dicks. And it's to set the other players up as having to choose being either homophobic or queer-loving when you can pretty much bet that almost all of them don't give a fuck and just hope Sam can make the plays, which, so far, he can.