The Rude Pundit Goes Places So You Don't Have To

(Note: Yeah, there's tons more important shit going on in the world, but the Rude Pundit is Down South, visiting family and friends in Louisiana, so he'll be dicking around like this for a couple of more days.)

Back in March, the Rude Pundit posited that, because it was likely they were made in China, if you buy a cross at anti-contraception-paying Hobby Lobby, you were helping to pay for forced abortions.  Well, yesterday, he had a chance to go into the fine establishment (which says on its door that it's closed on Sunday "in order to allow our employees and customers more time for worship and family"), and he proved his point:

  

Indeed, every cross of every sort was "Made in China." So, demonstrably, the Sunday-worshiping, Jesus's taint-huffing owners of Hobby Lobby, who refuse to pay for birth control that they believe causes abortions (even thought they don't), most definitely help pay for the Chinese government's population control program (or, you know, abortion) through the sale of the symbol of their oh-so-important faith.

Right next door to Hobby Lobby was an even more special store: Mardel Christian and Education superemporium. A-perusin' the aisles of "education books," he came across the series "Heroes of History." As you can see below, the authors don't seem to have an understanding of two of those words (hint: "of" is used correctly):

That's Abraham Lincoln on an equal plane with beloved conservative black man of the moment, neurosurgeon and Fox "news" fave Ben Carson, that crazy motherfucker who says stupid shit like "marriage is between a man and a woman. It's a well-established, fundamental pillar of society and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality. It doesn't matter what they are. They don't get to change the definition." Also, despite being a doctor, he doesn't believe in evolution (which doesn't really give a fuck if Ben Carson believes in it or not - evolution ain't Tinkerbell).

But he's black, conservative, and might run for president. So, yes, this is definitely someone who is the equal of Abraham Lincoln and should be taught to schoolkids. If it was two years ago, no doubt Herman Cain would have his own volume.

The "textbooks" for the homeschool kids were even hilariouser (if by "hilarious," you mean, "Shit yourself scary"):

The titles alone, Exploring Creation with Biology (or Physical Science or Chemistry) made the Rude Pundit giggle and then get sad.  Indeed, very quickly, the whole place made him feel like he was in some alternate universe (not helped when several relatives said that they had recently been there for non-ironic reasons).

So he headed out to a vintage shit/tchotchke shop where, he swears to...well, no one really...that these two items were across a small aisle, facing each other, each in displays that featured like items. The Rude Pundit merely brought them together for this photo op:

That's mini-Jesus on a huge crucifix, dead. Next to him is Filthy Cock soap, ha-ha. One promises eternal salvation if you believe. The other offers to clean your dirty dick. Which is which?

That aisle in that store ought to be used to explain Louisiana to anyone who asks.