Right-Wing Delusions, Part 1: Your Stupid Idea Is Stupid

Oh, dear, dumb, oppressed right-wingers, searching hither and thither for places to call home, good god, but you come up with some stupid, stupid shit to cling to, like a brain-damaged rat on a turd flushing down a toilet.

1. Apparently, Facebook was not a friendly home for at least some repellent anti-LGBT sentiments, so a couple of ambitious conservatives decided the time was right to take on Big Zuckerberg and launch a "patriot"-friendly place where you can freely like photos your inbred cousin posted of Barack and Michelle Obama's heads on monkey bodies. ("See? It's funny 'cause they're black!" you can comment.)

What might such a service be named? "Farcebook" is a little obvious. Of course, you'd name it "Reaganbook," after the greatest president ever to raise taxes, cut and run from the Middle East, and order people around him to break the law. Of course, your motto would be "We are tearing down walls" even as you support building a damn fence on the border with Mexico. Oh, and, of course, you would steal the colors, font, and layout of Facebook because you might not have built it, but fuck everyone who did. And when you get sued for copyright infringement, you can claim that you're just an innocent victim, like all your pussy fellow conservatives.

2. There really is a high school student in Richmond, Virginia, named "Alecsys Brown," whose parents oughta be slapped for misspelling her first name. (Mom: "Let's name her 'Alexis.'" Dad: "I like it. How do you spell it?" Mom: "It starts with 'Alec,' like that actor...") And Young Goodwoman Brown has a cause: Bring back the proper mascot for Douglas S. Freeman High School.

So Brown started a petition for their team, the Rebels, to once again feature a grey-uniformed soldier at its sporting events. Now, she's not crazy. She doesn't think they should go back to the days when the mascot carried a rifle and a Confederate flag. No, it should just be the soldier in the big moustache wearing, well, a grey uniform. The petition has gotten over 1000 signatures.

Brown doesn't see it as racist at all. As she explains it, "I think he really represents us as the Southern school that we are...Since Richmond was the capital of the Confederacy, a Southern soldier really represents us as a school." Indeed, if you can't imply that it would have been better if your black classmates had remained slaves, what is freedom for?

One question, Alexi...sorry, Alecsys: You do realize that the Confederacy lost, right?