The Right Wing Goes Nutzoid:

Let's begin with a good pundit caveat: by no means is the election over, Gore got a bounce from the first debate last time, blah, blah, blah. But, you know, the right wing is losing its mind over the idea that Kerry has erased Bush's lead in the polls. Oh, how Karl Rove's leather slave that he keeps in the basement of the White House, right next to Andrew Jackson's collection of scalps, must have suffered Thursday night. How Rove, sweaty, smelling of open bar cosmos, took out the big, pointed dildo and, unlubricated, shoved it into his ecstatic leather slave's asshole, twisting it, shrieking, "I'm the master of spin. I'm the master of spin." Because Rove knows, he fucking knows in his heart of hearts, that he's lost just a bit of control, that he has played a high-wire act with the media and that he has stumbled, and maybe, just maybe, he will fall. And it's all because of that goddamned half-wit son of a bitch Bush, who Rove has dragged by his nuts through more vicious dogfights than a starving mutt in the streets of Rio. Rove is a madman in the sense that he is insane. Crazed. A demonic essence tinged with a human's capability to draw blood. And he's gonna strike back. If he's got anything left in his quill, he's gonna fire that motherfucker with everything he's got.



He's got Fox willing to do his bidding, now that the "news" network has tossed aside any semblance of fairness. It's the "news" network for the imbalanced. This past weekend, Fox showed just how fair it was with a pair of stories on its website that were fabrications and lies. First, in an article called "Trail Tales: What's That Face?" Fox "reporter" (if by "reporter" you mean "dogmatic cum breath ready to blow the Bush campaign again and again") Carl Cameron fabricated fun faux faggy quotes from Kerry like, "I'm a metrosexual -- he's a cowboy" and "Women should like me! I do manicures." Fox later retracted the quotes and apologized, saying that its reporter was suffering from "fatigue," as were, one assumes, all the editors and proofers who saw this before it went out. Josh Marshall asks all the relevant questions. Of course, it didn't help matters that the next day, Fox put up another article claiming the group "Communists for Kerry" was a legitimate organization that supported Kerry when, in fact, it is a parody group like Billionaires for Bush. Irony is not the strong suit at Fox, unless one considers the rantings of Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity long performance art pieces about the existence of irony. Fox has updated the article with an explanation at the end that its reporter "asked the group" several times if it was legit. That's Fox all over: taking the word of someone rather than actually fact checking when it suits their narrative.



And what a narrative it is: John Kerry is a metrosexual supported by Communists. Damn, what self-respecting NASCAR dad or security mom could vote for him? Since, really, the only way to truly understand the magnitude of sins is by comparison to the ways in which other sinners have been punished, let's contrast: CBS puts out a report that is factually accurate but contains the possibility of using forged documents. No one questions the veracity of the story itself, merely one of the sources. Result? CBS is said to be engaged in a smear of the President, the network is seen as discredited, and conservative commentators want Rather to resign. Fox, meanwhile, posts actual, unchecked lies about Kerry with no goal other to smear the Democrat. Result? Nada.



But we should expect more of this. Over on the Flatulence In Broadcasting network, Rush Limbaugh is screeching like a fat man looking for a Double Whopper and an angry fix, calling Kerry everything short of a molesting priest and a goat fucker. Of course, on Friday, Limbaugh intoned, "Not a single vote was probably changed last night. Not enough to matter in the polls. I fully expect, however, there to be polls from various places that show Kerry with a little bounce. You can almost predict that. This is not a dynamic changing debate last night." Oh, there's gonna be magnificent poll-spinning today on the Rush "Personal Ad: I've Got Saggy Tits and Quality Pharms" Limbaugh show.



Which cycles us back around to the beginning. Columnist after columnist will get Bush's back. Yesterday on Fox, Newt Gingrich, still clawing his way back to some vestige of the power he used to have, said that he had "never" seen the elite media react so viciously to a candidate. Yeah, yeah, ask Al Gore about that. But what all of these "commentators" forget is what some in the media and many in the public have realized: Sometimes the facts must be reported. Bush did himself in. The debate was merely the sufficient amount of rope. It was only a matter of time before he hanged himself.