Why Bill O'Reilly Ought To Sodomized With a Microphone in a Frigid Room:
The Rude Pundit thought we were done with the whole "what you pussy liberals call torture is actually just a night at the DKE house" discussion. But last night, on his Fox "News" show, Bill O'Reilly re-propagandized for the myth that any "interrogation method" that doesn't involve a nut vice and a blowtorch is not actually torture. Discussing a New York Times article about the FBI and CIA getting into a pissing match about humane versus "tough" interrogation techniques on Abu Zubaydah, a "henchman" for Osama Bin Laden, O'Reilly glibly, if accurately, described what the CIA did to Zubaydah: "the CIA allegedly stripped Zubaydah who had been wounded by the Pakistani authorities, put him in a freezing room and used Red Hot Chili Peppers on him."

In other words, to quote the Times, "At times, Mr. Zubaydah, still weak from his wounds, was stripped and placed in a cell without a bunk or blankets. He stood or lay on the bare floor, sometimes with air-conditioning adjusted so that, one official said, Mr. Zubaydah seemed to turn blue. At other times, the interrogators piped in deafening blasts of music by groups like the Red Hot Chili Peppers." Whether or not you think Zubaydah "deserved" his treatment (and if you do, you're a vicious pig fucker), at a bare minimum we could agree on the label of "torture." Could we please stop all being such pansies about calling torture "torture"? Or do you just feel better about yourself if you keep a wounded man nude locked in a bare freezing room with loud music blaring if you don't use the word?

But it's not that O'Reilly gleefully dismisses Zubaydah's treatment, with "Now you may think I'm joking here, but I'm not," that renders him in need of a forced ass fucking. No, no. It's that he lies about what's the article actually says is the result of the torture of Zubaydah. Here's O'Reilly: "Blasting the Peppers in a cold room apparently broke Zubaydah according to an unnamed government official quoted in the article. At first Zubaydah was defiant and evasive until the approved procedures were used. He soon began to provide information on key Al Qaeda operators to help us find and capture those responsible for the 9/11 attacks. And one of those men was Khalid Sheikh Muhammad, the mastermind of 9/11."

Now, that'd be awesome and demonstrate some good to be had from torturing suspects. Except, you know, it ain't what the article or the unnamed government official actually said. According to the Times, "In his early interviews, Mr. Zubaydah had revealed what turned out to be important information, identifying Khalid Shaikh Mohammed — from a photo on a hand-held computer — as the chief planner of the Sept. 11 attacks." Those "early interviews" would have been the ones conducted by the FBI where they "bathed Mr. Zubaydah, changed his bandages, gave him water, urged improved medical care, and spoke with him in Arabic and English, languages in which he is fluent." The CIA took over and tortured him because "Zubaydah might have possessed critical information about a coming terrorist operation figured significantly in the decision to employ tougher tactics, even though it later became apparent he had no such knowledge." In other words, Zubaydah was tortured for no reason at all.

Like so many on the right, Bill O'Reilly is a tough guy wannabe, a semi-evolved ape man who so admires the redness of his own hard-on that he's gotta smack that fucker until it explodes, yelping in self-love 'cause he wants everyone to see him come. O'Reilly thinks that as long as we can say we're not as bad as they are, the field's wide open: "The truth is that America has been restrained in its response to the savagery of Al Qaeda and others." So, like, as long as we're not using power drills and videotaped beheadings by knife, it's all good.

Damn, Bill O'Reilly must think it's ridiculous that that bitch ex-producer of his sued him for his graphic harassment by phone. After all, at least he didn't rape her, cut her body into pieces, and feed it to his pet sharks. He exercised such restraint.