The Man in the Diaper Wants Indians to Have Babies:
It's always funny when a married man who likes to wear diapers and pay whores to smack his ass until he sprays himself with jizz after he's shit himself attempts to take the moral high ground. And it's always sad when the Senate of the United States aids and abets the hypocrisy of the aforementioned diaper-wearing, jizz-spraying whoremonger. But Republican Senator David Vitter of Louisiana had hisself a cause, and that was to make sure that pregnant Indian women keep their fuckin' babies. No "allegations" of infantilism with hookers was gonna stop Vitter from holding his shit-smeared hands up in front of underage Indian country pussies like the crossing guard on a barely used country road.

See, after negotiations, veto threats, and other such shit, the Senate finally came to an agreement on the Indian Health Care Improvement Act, which, among other things, provides $16 billion to do what the title of the bill says. It's a big deal. But, of course, all seemingly good things that get through the Senate must have the taint of rabid conservatism stinking them up somewhere.

And that's where Louisiana Whore Loverboy comes in. Vitter introduced an amendment to permanently extend the Hyde Amendment banning federal funding for abortions through Indian Health Services. Or, in the amendment's words, "no funds or facilities of the Service may be used (A) to provide any abortion; or (B) to provide, or pay any administrative cost of, any health benefits coverage that includes coverage of an abortion." And then the exceptions: "The limitation described in paragraph (1) shall not apply in any case in which--(A) a pregnancy is the result of an act of rape, or an act of incest against a minor; or (B) the woman suffers from a physical disorder, physical injury, or physical illness that, as certified by a physician, would place the woman in danger of death unless an abortion is performed, including a life-endangering physical condition caused by or arising from the pregnancy itself."

Senator Byron Dorgan called the second part there "incomprehensible," and the whole amendment "unnecessary." In debate in the Senate, Senator Sam Brownback said it should be passed partly in memory of Henry Hyde, who is now featured in the cabaret extravaganza in Hell titled, "Henry Hyde Sings Cole Porter as His Balls Are Barbecued." Brownback and John Thune rose to announce how much they love enwombed Americans, and, on Tuesday, the amendment passed 52-42, with eight Democrats joining Republicans in the vote. At least it's still gotta be passed by the House.

There's much jubilation in the evangelical community, with bizarrely glib headlines like, "Senate Okays Health Bill for Native Americans Sans Abortion." Vitter himself crowed on his website, "The Hyde amendment represented a pivotal moment in the pro-life movement by restricting the use of federal funds for abortions, but a series of legislative loopholes has allowed this practice to continue in certain instances. The passage of my amendment will finally close this loophole."

Yes, it's always moving when people are forgiven for their sins or even when people forgive themselves. It's so empowering. And what better way to demonstrate the power one has when a self-described "Christian" is forgiven for fucking around with hookers and cheating on his wife than to punish women, the very temptations that make Vitter ache for the feel of his own shit pressed into his balls. So, hey, why not make sure the poor keep their goddamn babies whether they want 'em or not. Let's hope that Vitter doesn't keep apologizing to his nutzoid base or women everywhere are doomed.