Pat Buchanan Hearts the Oath Keepers, Does Not Heart Black People:
While one should not advocate kicking an old man in the nuts, neither should one advocate not kicking an old man in the nuts. Especially when that old man is Pat Buchanan. For surely, some great, karmic justice would be fulfilled if somebody walked onto the set during one of the 28 hours a day Buchanan's on as an analyst on MSNBC and used a steel-toed boot to just swiftly kick his pendulous balls into his gelatinous gut, if only to hear him cry out as he curled onto the floor and vomited.

Why does a sad, racist, self-aggrandizing abettor of criminals get to spout off constantly and then get treated like some beloved elder statesman or a charming curmudgeon with candy in his pockets? The man wrote speeches for Spiro Agnew and Richard Nixon. For that reason alone, this prideful Catholic bastard will get to live an eternity in Hell inside a shit smoker. He has, throughout his career, been a Nazi apologist. And while the left delighted in his isolationist stand against the Iraq War, that also means he's anti-immigrant and myriad other things not so fucking delightful. Plus, if he hadn't been on the fucking ballot in Florida during his filthy, hateful, egotistical presidential run, we wouldn't have had George W. Bush to kick us in our collective American taint.

Now, once again, Buchanan has written a column where he says, more or less, America would be a dandy place if all these niggers and immigrants weren't fucking it up for us white people. Talking about the new strain of radical "activism" (meaning: shouting) in "white working-class voters," Buchanan boils it all down: "In their lifetimes, they have seen their Christian faith purged from schools their taxes paid for, and mocked in movies and on TV. They have seen their factories shuttered in the thousands and their jobs outsourced in the millions to Mexico and China. They have seen trillions of tax dollars go for Great Society programs, but have seen no Great Society, only rising crime, illegitimacy, drug use and dropout rates." You got to give it to the Nazi bastard - he blames everyone for keeping the man down.

And Buchanan seems to indicate that Fox "news" has got their blood all hetted up: "They watch on cable TV as illegal aliens walk into their country, are rewarded with free educations and health care and take jobs at lower pay than American families can live on – then carry Mexican flags in American cities and demand U.S. citizenship." The solution there might be to stop watching cable TV, but, hey, then they'd have to talk to their families and they're only good for punchin'.

Of course, if you're gonna play Texas Drag 'Em, you may as well go all in: "Neither they nor their kids ever benefited from affirmative action, unlike Barack and Michelle Obama." Buchanan concludes, "America was once their country. They sense they are losing it. And they are right." Somewhere in Oklahoma, a Kiowa dude is slapping his head and wishing he'd thought of that.

Buchanan's new role models for super-great Americanism are the Oath Keepers. It's a new group started by ex-military people who are organizing citizens under an ultra-paranoid version of what might happen in the future. They're like teabag protesters on steroids. It's sort of like when you're watching a gay rights parade and the leather contingent comes walking by. Hell, the Oath Keepers have even hooked up with the 9/12ers for an upcoming cotillion.

And these Oath Keepers have come up with a whole big list o' shit what they will not do, "Orders We Will Not Obey." Most of it is just stuff you nod and say, "Sure," like talking to a child who says, "When the evil monster comes out from under my bed, I'm gonna kill it with my laser gun." What are you gonna do? Argue that the kid should use the crossbow instead? So when the big boss Oath Keeper, Stewart Rhodes, who is keepin' oaths more hardcore than anyone else, writes, "We will NOT obey any order to blockade American cities, thus turning them into giant concentration camps," one can only say, "Will it get you out of the house so you can get some fresh air on weekends? Then have at."

But what Buchanan is supporting is actually a group that claims to be there to defend the Constitution no matter what while seeming to forget shit like, oh, the Supreme Court, which the Constitution says decides what the Constitution means. And while Buchanan may write, "[T]he reflexive reaction of the mainstream media will likely be that these are militia types, driven to irrationality because America has a black president," well, the Oath Keepers are a bunch of armed people from the military and law enforcement who believe in a paranoid vision of America's future who have organized during the beginning of the administration of the first black president. The mainstream media's not exactly making a big damn leap there.

The Oath Keepers vow, "We will NOT obey orders to invade and subjugate any state that asserts its sovereignty and declares the national government to be in violation of the compact by which that state entered the Union." And if it ever comes to a case where Texas, say, goes nutsier, and the Supreme Court declares that this radical interpretation of the 10th Amendment is wrong, which part of the Constitution will they keep an oath to?

Pat Buchanan loves a bunch of armed crazy people fellating their guns and hoping for go time. How much less credible could this jowly fucker get?