Tony Blair Dreadfully Sorry for All the Dead People:


Today former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, appeared before the Chilcot inquiry into just how England became mired in the Iraq war (aka "Shit What We'll Never Do in the U.S."). In answer to those who were critical of his previous appearance, Blair said, "Of course I regret deeply and profoundly the loss of life, whether from our own armed forces, those of other nations, the civilians who helped people in Iraq or the Iraqis themselves." People in the gallery yelled, "Too late." People in Iraq, many of whom only have electricity for a few hours a day, were probably profoundly relieved and can now move on with their lives. "The prissy white guy said, 'Sorry'? Now that's some motherfuckin' closure," commented one Kirkuk resident before boiling his sewage-tainted drinking water to give to his one-armed child.

There's small pleasures to be gotten from these moments, like Blair's continued linking of Iraq to al-Qaeda and bizarrely throwing Iran into the mix: "Although this is a time where many people think this extremism can be managed, I personally don’t think that is true. I think it has to be confronted and changed." So, since it worked out so well in Iraq, he thinks we need to use force on Iran. There's a delusional nature to Blair, a scampering, simpering self-justification that mixes with arrogance about being right about things that are demonstrably false.

You realize that he must still get midnight drunken phone calls from George W. Bush, a mix of reminiscences of good times, of how they got Laura and Cherie to 69 each other in front of the fire at Camp David while the two of them jerked each other off, of how they were just so totally right about Saddam Hussein and everyone else can just suck it, and half-veiled threats, where Bush tells Blair how he'll have Xe mercenaries break the PM's spine and keep him alive for days while they cut pieces off him until he finally just goes into shock and dies. Blair is a haunted man, as anyone would be.

But he plays his role. He has to if he wants to live in his home country. Unfortunately, he isn't American. Here, no one questions anymore, no one wants to know, no one even cares that we're still there, unless soldiers are needed as props in a campaign. Even if the Chilcot inquiry is ultimately toothless, at least it shows to families and a country that leaders owe the people answers.