1. So this week, the Rude Pundit received his weekly epistle o' prayeritus from the extra-nutzoid Christian organization, the Family Research Council (motto: "Opposing Everything Fun Since the Reagan Era Crapped Us Out"). The Rude Pundit belongs to the FRC's Super-Duper Prayer Team, joining under a secret nom de rude some years ago, and each week, his inbox is engorged by the perturbations of the holy what needs praying over. Usually it's abortion, gays, and gays doing abortions, but this time, something new was in the mix: a devil weed.
Yep, we had to pray to stop the legalization of pot, as the kids call it. "Marijuana" to godly folk like us. Why? Because, see, "while alcohol may be used in moderation, marijuana is always used to 'get stoned,' i.e., to alter the state of mind and dull the senses and judgment." Glory be, you smoke one "joint," i.e., marijuana cigarette, and the next thing you know, you're on your knees in the bus station bathroom, giving blumpkins to hobos for meth. But a little drinky-poo now and then is groovy, man.
So we gotta tell Jesus hisself, "May the American people come to their senses to reject this trend and reverse it!" And to offer us support, as usual, the FRC gives the SDPT verses from the Good Book to offer succor and guidance. Like Isaiah 5:11, which says, "Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink; that continue until night, till wine inflame them!" Although, huh, that seems to be about alcohol. Well, surely, in another suggested verse, Isaiah 5:22, we'll get the anti-drug kicks: "Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink." Huh. Maybe it's just Isaiah, that drunk plowshare-beating asshole. What about another book, like, umm, Ephesians, yeah, 5:18: "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit."
Far be it from just a humble SDPT member to question the interpretation of God's word, but, according to the Bible, it sure seems like we oughta be ditching the liquor and smoking more weed.
2. Of course, Jews can be assholes, too. As in:
Those are hardline Israelis, a couple thousand of them, praying that God himself, not the Christians' puny God, Jr., intervenes to stop the evil American Secretary of State, John Kerry, from succeeding in putting together a framework for peace talks between Israel and Palestine. And because these are Old Testament-believing motherfuckers, we're not talking love and awakening. Oh, no. They want "God to strike fear in the hearts of those who might cause harm to the land of Israel."
Man, you wanna talk about some people who need to smoke a bowl and chill.
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