How To Destroy George W. Bush, Part 1 - Take Out His Kneecaps:

There's so, so many pundits all over this nation, from blog to newspaper to radio to network to cable. And each and every one of them is offering John Kerry some kind of advice about how to run his campaign, based on the previously discussed notion that Kerry is perceived as Fucked and Floundering by the media. The Rude Pundit is going to join that fray, but unlike nearly every other so-called pundit and/or intellectual, the Rude Pundit is right. The Rude Pundit knows what he's talking about. The Rude Pundit would be Karl Rove's worst nightmare - someone who doesn't give a shit; the Rude Pundit is Godzilla to Rove's Tokyo. So here's the deal, Kerry/Edwards campaign, DNC, 527s (George Soros, open your change purse, 'cause some of this is gonna cost), from the Rude Pundit -- a few days worth of strategy to destroy George W. Bush, the presidency, the campaign, and the man. Remember the lessons of Sherman's March: the South had to burn, motherfuckers, so everyone might be free.



Here's what all the other pundits (and most of your advisors) are wrong about: The whole "tell us where you stand" position is bullshit. It is a fabrication, a fantasy that Kerry needs to stand in front of a cheering crowd and give the exact numbers on his tax proposals. Go fuckin' read a policy paper on the website. Bush has said fuck-all about his second term other than more of the same (which, as we shall discover this week, should be where the attack is). The pundits are wrong about the effect of negative campaigning. Any viewing public that wants to know about Scott Peterson, wants to see car wrecks at NASCAR, and watches Growing Up Gotti and Bill O'Reilly is essentially the same crowd that was rooting for the lions at the Coliseum back in the day. And you gotta choose: are you a lion or a slave? It's time for Kerry to learn what delicious fresh organ meat tastes like. He needs to gnaw on some intestines.



The pundits are wrong about the meaning of the "anyone but Bush" voters, which, honestly, is Kerry's majority constituency. A vote against Bush has a 90% or so chance of being a vote for Kerry. Fuck inspiring the undecideds to vote for Kerry. Inspire them to vote against Bush. Ultimately, that's what this election is about: it's not about electing Kerry. It's about voting out George Bush. No one really gives a rat's ass about the details of Kerry's Social Security plan beyond right wing pundits (and moderates looking to suck the cock of their corporate owners) who are looking for some reason to bash Kerry. What gets the crowd going is to talk about what motherfuckers Bush and Cheney are. Save the detail shit for the debates, when it'll make Bush look like the stupid backward-ass prissy hick wannabe he is. Remember the lessons of 2000: it doesn't matter what you do to get into the White House - what matters is getting there.



So, in terms of Kerry's oh-so-precious Vietnam experience, turn the goddamn boat into the coming fire. It's time for Kerry and/or Edwards to make the rounds of the media. Don't make the Gore mistake, when he kept the charmer Clinton out of things - Edwards may be the eeevil trial lawyer, according to the right, but he's a charming motherfucker who people love. (And, by the way, whoever in the Kerry campaign has advised them to keep Edwards out of the spotlight needs to be fired, beaten, and dragged to a back room where James Carville can suck that person's life essence out - it keeps Carville's head shiny.) Kerry needs to organize his fucking media supporters and other Democrats. No Democrat should say a single negative thing about Kerry or Edwards. Discipline, man, discipline - sure, it's a sign of intelligence to be able to see the good and bad in a person, but now that just gives more fodder to the Bush campaign.



And here's the biggest gambit: get on the big conservative talk shows. Look, the speeches aren't getting coverage. All that gets coverage for Kerry are the attacks he makes or the attacks on him. So make the man the message. That means go one on one with O'Reilly, for instance. If Kerry maintains his cool in tearing these guys apart, he'll show them for what they are: tools of the Bush administration. (Attitude-wise, take the Bill Clinton tactic of smiling through the whole ordeal, which is why Edwards might be a better choice. And be willing to go off talking points, for fuck's sake.) It also makes an implicit challenge to Bush to subject himself to more media questioning. And you're using Bush's own strategy here: take the fight to them. Render their criticisms moot by confronting what they have to say.



Co-opt the media. That's destructive tool number one. Tomorrow: Of course you realize, this means war. Later this week: the ultimate tool.



Kerry/Edwards campaign, DNC, 527s, want more? The Rude Pundit's better than David Shrum, but, hell, a reasonably well-trained monkey would shit better advice than Shrum. You know how to get in touch: rudepundit@yahoo.com.