America: We Are So Fucked (Part 1):

So the Congress passed its 3300-page omnibus spending bill (rhymes with "ominous, offending Hill") and, boy, wasn't everyone just sooo surprised to find out, tucked between cuts in Americorps and funds for abstinence only education programs in Waynesboro, PA, and funds for "beaver management" in Wisconsin (hire the Rude Pundit - he'll "manage" those beavers) was a provision that would have said the chairs of the Appropriations Committees and their "agents" have the right to look at anyone's tax return, yours, mine, George Soros's. Faster than you can say, "Hominah, hominah," the Republicans said, no, no, it's a mistake, we don't know how it got in there, but, seriously, you can trust us. Senate Appropriations Committee Chair Ted "Take My Forests, Please" Stevens of Alaska said that neither he nor his house counterpart, Bill Young, would ever use such a new superpower for evil. "I would hope that the Senate would take my word. I don't think I have ever broken my word to any member of the Senate," the Senator whined, and somewhere in the chamber, Orrin Hatch shed a silent tear, for he remembered when Stevens broke the most important word to him: love.



So, bottom line: it was all a mistake, a misread of language that actually would not allow access to tax returns, put in there by the IRS, but, anyways, really, the chairs just want the same power as other committee chairs, so, be assured, if no one had caught it and the President had signed it into law, hey, no biggie, we're good guys here, and if you have a problem with it and want to investigate, you can go fuck yourself.



This is the kind of bullshit that gets in during the "conference committee" when House and Senate "negotiators" are supposed to reconcile differences in similar legislation. Instead, what happens is a gigantic Republican fuckfest, where a couple of complicit Democrats are allowed to take part as lobbyists bend over and let the members of Congress take cash out of their assholes while jerking themselves off. As Pete Dominici said of when the passed energy bill that wasn't to his liking, "I will rewrite the bill" in conference committee. What's actually passed is a concept. And in a massive bill, the rewrite is what matters. Sure, the Congress votes on the reconciled bill, but the vote is called so quickly that no one has time to read it. One is supposed to assume that the members in committee act "honorably," and oh, what a mistake that is.



Imagine all the things that could be tucked into a foot-wide bill: A new law that commands Hillary Clinton to give head to a different Republican member of Congress every day. The Ted Kennedy Pantsless Rider. The Let's-Hobble-John-McCain Rule. The Ranking Democrat On the House Ways and Means Committee must change Jim Bunning's diaper. Oh, what fun those Republicans have, ripping away at the fabric of democracy, rolling up the Constitution to fuck Nancy Pelosi with it (which is another new law).



The other egregious example of what was placed into the bill by conservative Congressional crazies in conference is a change in law that prevents funds from going to governmental agencies that act against health care providers or insurers who refuse to provide abortions for their patients and/or customers. No debate, and little press coverage because, you know, there was a brawl at a basketball game (oh, pity the children of Detroit). It was passed without debate in the House and never even brought up in the Senate, but it was negotiated into the "reconciliation" bill and forced down the throats of the quiescent Senate. It's a motherfucker of a rule, one that masks itself as being about conscience but is really all about giving back to the religious right, which has given so much to the end days of democracy. As Nancy Pelosi put it, "If a hospital, health insurance company, or doctor opposes Roe v. Wade, they could simply ignore it. Ignore it. This is the law of the land. A Constitutional right could simply be ignored." (The rest of Pelosi's statement is quite compelling and frightening and worth a read.)



It's all fucking funny. It's goddamned hilarious. The "debate" on and passage of legislation is a game, a facade, a show because, in the end, the real bill is created in conference, and the minority and moderates can kiss the asses of the conservatives who will cram that fucker full to bursting with every ideological tidbit and every scrap of pork they can. But how about this for retaliation: filibuster everything, every bill, every nomination, every rule, until there is a guarantee, written in Tom DeLay's black blood, stamped with Dennis Hastert's fat, stapled to Bill Frist's forehead, that law will not be made, legislation will not be "rewritten" in "conference" committee while reconciling bills. That there will be no bullshit like this. Sure, it's a dangerous move for Democrats and uncowed "moderate" Republicans, but it can be spun using the taxpayer privacy violation law as an example to the blind public. It's a chance to stand up and say that while secrecy rules in the executive branch, it must not become the way for the legislative. Open up the closed doors. Christ, almighty, let some sunshine in, or, really, truly, we are so fucked.