Family Research Council: Foreign Gay Athletes Stay Home:
So, like, the Gay Games in Chicago are set for July of this year. The Gay Games are like the Olympics, except with better clothes and a smidgen more steamy, steroidal guy-on-guy action. In a surprising act of decency, the federal government decided to grant waivers to athletes to its draconian "let's-keep-the-homos-out" policy of barring international travelers with HIV/AIDS from entering the United States. So the Gay Games is now considered a federal Designated Event, thus the granting of the waiver for most of the month of July. This happened in mid-February.

Cue the Religious Right.

The Family Research Council (motto: "Telling Idiots What Jesus Would Do For Over Twenty Years") just discovered that the waiver was being allowed and, since anything that smacks of pleasures of the cock and cunt make its members quake and foam at the mouth in repressed concupiscent rage, FRC President Tony Perkins sent out an e-mail that reads, in part: "Imagine my surprise when I learned that the U.S. Government has granted 'Designated Event Status' to the 2006 Gay Games to be held in Chicago this July. The 'Gay Games' are an event known as much for after-hours sexual activity as for on-field athletic competition. In fact, on the official Chicago Gay Games web site just as much emphasis is put on 'entertainment' as on the event itself. This entertainment includes links to bathhouses and clubs where illicit and illegal activity is allowed."

The links that Perkins is clenching his ass cheeks are listed on the sponsors page, and include such places as the fine Chicago nightclub Spin, the comfy gay and lesbian bar Sidetrack, and, yes, Steamworks, a mini-chain of bathhouses, where male athletes can practice their squats and thrusts while getting slippery wet and covered in cum. These are, indeed, sponsors, as are Walgreens, Kraft, Orbitz, and Merrill Lynch, among others.

But, see, Perkins doesn't have his dick in a knot about the "gay" part. Oh, no. Perkins is concerned about disease and the health of Americans. Says Creepy Tony, "The tragedy is that there are Americans who may well be infected with a deadly disease as a direct result of this most unwise decision. Why should this administration feel the need to bow to the politically correct crowd?" What should you do about it? Perkins is there to guide you: "Please contact the Office of the Citizenship and Immigration Services Ombudsman within the Department of Homeland Security. Ask the office to revoke this almost unprecedented waiver. Human lives are at stake."

And, indeed, the FRC has prepared for you an e-mail to send to Michael Chertoff, where you tell the head of Homeland Security not to get those fuckin' ports secure or resign over Katrina. No, no, you tell him, "Inviting thousands of HIV-infected visitors to a 'Gay Games' celebration that promotes these activities will only put Chicagoans at risk and help spread HIV. (More than 60 percent of male AIDS cases in Illinois involve 'men who have sex with men,' according to the Illinois Department of Public Health.)" See, it's just that the FRC cares about all of us that they wanna keep the HIV-positive gay athletes out.

The Illinois Family Institute has gone after Walgreens for its $100,000 sponsorship (as well as Chicago Mayor Daley for being an Honorary Co-Chair of the Games). At least the IFI ain't hidin' behind the skirt of the "spread of disease" and is outright hatin' them some fags. In a hilarious postscript to his letter to Walgreens, IFI President (with the name of a drag queen) Peter LaBarbera: "I read in your web bio that North Dakota is your home state. I certainly don't think that Walgreens' sponsorship of the 'Gay Games' is something that most North Dakota citizens would be proud of. Actually, I think the same could be said for Illinois and every other state in the union. Please reconsider the implications of this corporate decision." That's right - when all else fails, bring out the threat of gay bashing by cowboys. (Insert yer own fuckin' Brokeback Mountain joke here.)

See, the FRC is crafty in that it hides its hate and intolerance underneath the veneer of "health threat," as if thousands of HIV-positive queers will descend on Chicago and spread plague faster than the nascent bird flu, like it'll be 28 Days Later through ass fucking and cocksucking. Prior to this tactic, the Christian Right had just gone after sponsors, with the American Family Institute asserting that the Gay Games are merely a chance for gays to act all icky and, well, gay, and how dare these hot, ripped men look like they're enjoying their lives, you know? (The Rude Pundit loves the warning on the AFA's page that "These photos are provided for informational purposes," so no jackin' off to 'em.) And Kraft, dear Kraft, whither our Velveeta without you?

Now, though, the FRC is acting like it's 1985 or so, hysterical, uninformed, playing on ignorance and fear, condemning those who might have a disease. Just like, you know, Jesus would do.