Bush at APEC, OPEC, Whatever:
So while the Rude Pundit was trawling the cable news websites, filled with such fascinating factoids like that Hulk Hogan's son was given warnings for speeding (it's true), creating a masturbation fantasy about joining the mile-high club with the Hooters girl who wore a skirt deemed too short for the prigs at Southwest Airlines (Motto: "It's like the cheap seats on a train crossing Bangladesh, except with less goats"), the Rude Pundit came across the latest manly man quote from our fearless leader. Talking to the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia, upon arrival at the APEC summit, President Bush said, apparently in reference to how things went in Iraq, "We're kicking ass.

Just how eye-rollingly embarrassing can this President get? If you thought the answer was "pretty fucking," you be off by an adjective degree or two. Indeed, knowing that George W. Bush is our nation's leader is not unlike knowing that Jeffrey Dahmer's your brother: yeah, it stinks for you to have had a brother like Jeffrey; no, you never sucked the eyeballs out of a boy-corpse and then fucked the socket; and, really, it's better not to think about it whenever you can put out of your mind what you could have done to prevent all the death and depravity wrought by him. Ultimately, though, you just gotta shake your head and wish it would go away.

For, indeed, in speaking to an audience of business leaders at the Sydney Opera House, Bush may as well have shit himself and smirked while saying, "I pooped mah drawers." Not only did he call the APEC summit "OPEC," but he thanked the "Austrian troops" in Iraq, apparently longing for a time when someone like him might have been defended by the Austrian military. Then, as AP reports, "Then, speech done, Bush confidently headed out -- the wrong way. He strode away from the lectern on a path that would have sent him over a steep drop. Howard and others redirected the president to center stage, where there were steps leading down to the floor of the theater."

Shaking your head yet? Howzabout this little detail: "The event had inauspicious beginnings. Bush started 10 minutes late, so that APEC workers could hustle people out of the theater's balcony seating to fill the many empty portions of the main orchestra section below -- which is most visible on camera." Yep, the business people of Australia couldn't give a holy wallaby fuck about what Bush had to say.

Then there was the surprise bitch slapping by South Korea's Roh Moo-Hyun, who, at a press meet, confronted Bush over why the United States has not formally ended the Korean War, an act that Roh believes would make negotiating with North Korea a helluva lot easier. Bush, fumbling like a schnauzer with a hard-on trying to fuck a water buffalo, spat out something about North Korea needing to get rid of its nuclear program, which, as you know, was the cause of the Korean War. What must have driven Bush nuttier was when Roh pushed him for more information, saying, "If you could be a little bit clearer," to which, back in America, Congressman Henry Waxman said, "Good luck, Roh-man."

Another meeting with leaders of other countries, another rank humiliation, with Bush oblivious or just apathetic to how much he's walking around with piss stains on his pants, except now others are pointing out the wet marks to him. Bush, though, doesn't give a fuck. Why should he when his own nation doesn't seem to?