A Photo of a Group of Soon-To-Be Dead People:


This is the National Commission on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling. The members were appointed by President Barack Obama.

Yesterday, the commission released findings that stated that Halliburton did not complete a crucial test on the cement that would be used to seal the oil well during a blow out. This directly contributed to the severity of the oil spill. Halliburton has admitted it neglected this test but was not responsible for the blow out.

While they have recovered some since yesterday, the cost of shares in Halliburton have plunged as much as 16% since the news. That means that Dick Cheney has already sent out ninjas to secretly kill each member of the commission in a horrible, but poetic way, probably involving drills, gas pumps, and dead pelicans, using their organs to decorate the dying trees and rotting jack-o'-lanterns just in time for Halloween.