Republican Cocksuckers for New York:
When talking about New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino and Representative Peter King of NY-3, one of the whitest districts in America, one would do well to use the word "cocksuckers," because, at the end of the day, they just are. They are dudes who act all tough and butch but get down on their knees in the men's room at the presumptively straight tough guy bars, where the beer and whiskey are cheap, and they suck cock, as much cock as they can, the more cock, the better. And when they're done sucking cock, they come back out where all the tough guys whose cocks they just sucked are, and they down a cheap beer and a cheaper whiskey and say, "Yeah, fuck all those liberal queers" just before the bartender makes a gesture for them to wipe some stray jizz off the corner of their mouths. In other words, not "cocksucker" in the sense of someone who is giving oral pleasure to a lover, but "cocksucker" in the sense of someone who wants it as filthy as possible, with the smell of shit and vomit in his nose and a line waiting for the stall.

For what other word would you use for King after he said of the conviction and life sentence of an admitted terrorist, "There was a bit of luck involved here." What was that lucky luck? Why, it was that Faisal Shahzad, who wanted to blow up Times Square, confessed to the crime and gave information to those who arrested him. In other words, he behaved like most every other criminal ever. Someone should explain the concept of "luck" to King, perhaps while he's sucking a cock. See, "luck" is when something positive occurs that is the opposite of the expected outcome. The vast majority of cases in the American criminal justice system don't rely on luck. And when you say one does, you say that everyone who works in it is a worthless shit who stumbles around in the dark until they trip over the corpse.

But King is like the warm-up act for the giant bag of loser cocksuckerdom that is soon-to-be loser Carl Paladino. You know about his dick size fight with a reporter (conveniently named Dicker), his idiot insults to other politicians, maybe even his outright lies about his life. But how about the actual policies the cocksucker is proposing? That'd be things like "a salary freeze on the entire education system until we can bring it back in line," "eliminating the Adirondacks Park Agency, the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation, the Division of Housing and Community Renewal and the Department of Economic Development" (Paladino cleverly says of the DEC, "which ought to be renamed the Department of NO Economic Development." Ha, what a card), and cutting the budget by 20% in 2 years.

Of course, as Crain's New York says, most of what he's proposing is bullshit and he's just a motherfucker. Hell, even this cocksucker's dog is an asshole.

Nicely done, New York Republican Party. You guys used to run Nelson Rockefeller and other moderates. Giuliani lost his mind when he gave up his combover. Bloomberg bailed on you because you became a bunch of cocksuckers. Now, you've devolved in a way that just reflects your national party, dishonorable and delusional.