Florida GOP Congressman Ted Yoho: "Wow, I'm Dumb. Vote for Me"

At a town hall meeting in Gainesville, Florida (motto: "The ugly part of the Sunshine State"), good, faithful Congressman Ted Yoho proudly announced that he's a fucking idiot. Yoho was answering a question on whether or not the severe weather that has affected Florida, which, despite its beaches, bars, and boobs, has a robust agriculture industry, might be related to climate change and, if so, "are scientists right" about its causes.

Yoho responded, "I think there’s an agenda-driven science. I can read stuff that says that the information was skewed. It’s not right. I’m a guy that’s worked out in the weather since I was 16. I can tell there’s climate change. The cause? I’m not smart enough for that." On one level, it's good to know that Yoho trusts his senses when it comes to the existence of climate change. However, if one is not "smart enough" to understand something, perhaps one should rely on the advice of people who, oh, fuck, what do you call it, study it, like, you know, scientists. (Let's not even get into the idea that climatologists might have an agenda but oil companies apparently don't, according to Yoho's "logic." Or the fact that, in this day of internet rubes crapping out whatever they want, you read pretty much any "stuff" you want, from climate change denialism to slash fiction involving Harry Potter, Severus Snape, and a sexy black griffin with a huge cock.)

That was Yoho's response to a lot of questions: shit's just hard. "Our tax system is so complicated and convoluted," he told the crowd during his 90 minute confession of his mental disabilities. But, hell, he knows Obamacare is bad. Probably because the bill is so long.

Most stunning was his confession that he's unsure about the constitutionality of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Asked about by an African-American constituent, Yoho babbled, "Is it constitutional, the Civil Rights Act? I wish I could answer that 100 percent. I know a lot of things that were passed are not constitutional, but I know it’s the law of the land." It's too bad that the United States doesn't have a body that decides the constitutionality of the laws passed by Congress, like a court or something. For 50 years, we've lived under a law that might not even be legal.

Well, except for that unanimous 1964 Supreme Court decision that specifically said that the Civil Rights Act was constitutional. You excise Heart of Atlanta Motel, Inc. v. United States from the historical record, and you've got an argument. So Yoho would be right to be doubtful if he wasn't entirely wrong.

But wisdom rests, as it always does, with the electorate. Let's conclude with the words of Evelyn Suznovich, retired, who said of her representative to DC, "I’m glad that we have somebody in Congress (who) uses his brain...He’s a critical thinker, (who) thinks things out well." Well, for Florida, Yoho might be as smart as it gets. That chill you just felt is a dumbass tripping on your gravestone.

By the way, Yoho spoke at Kanapaha Middle School. "Kanapaha" is a word for houses made of palm leaves in the language of the Timucua Indians. Yeah, they're extinct now, thanks to the diseases that white Europeans brought to the New (to them) World. The missionaries were more successful in spreading infections than spreading the word of God. Yeah, between that and forcing the natives into slave-like labor, it was the perfect setting for Yoho to say that we shouldn't treat people of different races as equals.

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