Health Care Reform Passes the House; Country Still Standing...For Now:
It was his moment to shine, and Indiana Republican Mike Pence took his five-minute turn at the mike in the esteemed House of Representatives, heart of democracy in the United States of America, and, with complete earnestness, he said, "As President Reagan said, it's about ‘whether we abandon the American Revolution and confess that a little intellectual elite in a far distant Capitol can plan our lives better than we can plan them ourselves.'"

He continued, personalizing the quote with an anecdote: "Earlier today, I greeted about 50 Hoosiers, mostly in wheelchairs, unit caps and uniforms, at the World War II Memorial. These heroes were gathered for their first, and maybe only, visit to the monument built in their honor."

This led Pence to revelations that are only made in the American heart while on the precipice of momentous decisions: "As I made my way back to the Capitol, I thought about those brave men and what sustained them in those days when the very survival of democracy hung in the balance. I believe it was because they were fighting for a cause more important than their happiness, their health and even their life, and that cause was freedom."

Yes, freedom. Freedom. And what was Pence so passionately arguing for that demanded he evoke the Revolution, the "Greatest Generation," the Gipper, and the life or death of democracy? Was it about whether or not the nation would go to war? Was it about amending the Constitution? What fundamental challenge to this country might hold freedom and liberty in its grip?

It was over whether or not the federal government would offer a reasonably priced health insurance policy to those not covered by their employers. When Pence was done, tourists at Arlington Cemetery said they heard a sound like thousands of face palms from under the ground.

Sure, many on both sides of the aisle in DC this past Saturday behaved like drama queens. But, remember, it was Republicans who made this about freedom and liberty instead of a discussion about how to get health care to those who lack insurance. Republicans crowed about that fact, constantly reminding us about their legions of idiot summer screamers who bellowed their protests at town hall meetings and tea parties like less articulate howler monkeys.

The entire process was like watching sausage being made out of kittens and bunnies as Republicans tried to teabag fellow members of the House. And when yelling didn't work, they decided to make it about abortion, thus getting the Stupak Amendment passed. That piece of work "prohibits the use of federal funding for abortion under the public health insurance option and prohibits the use of federal affordability credits to purchase a health insurance policy that covers abortion." Which means that under no circumstances, in the House bill, can any plan that receives federal funding cover abortion. The "logic" is that, even if abortion was put in a non-federal-money-allowed category by insurers, the fact that federal money is being used in a plan frees up privately-paid premium money for abortions.

Of course, by extension of that "logic," if a woman has federally-supplemented public option health insurance, she would be paying significantly less for her health care, which would free up her own money for an abortion. So, in essence, those federal funds are indirectly going to abortions, which is what the amendment was trying to stop in the first fucking place. Or, in other words, goddamn, these pro-life fuckers have their heads jammed so far up their asses that they lick the back of their uvulas.

So, groovy, a bill barely passed the Democratic House. We've gotten to second base on health care reform. What fun. Shirts are off, nipples are being tweaked, everyone's all hard and wet, wondering when the time is gonna be right to reach into pants and start grabbing cocks and fingering cunts. To make this image completely frightening, it's up to Harry Reid whether or not we get the go-ahead to take third. And that'll be fine, but we're still virgins until we go all the way.

By the way, in his cretinous little speech on Saturday, Pence told a story about his cousin who has cancer. "He's awaiting insurance approval for an experimental treatment because his system can no longer tolerate the long regimen of chemo," Pence said. But Cuz, who, you know, has insurance, ain't a poster child for reform. Oh, no. In fact, he's against reform. He wrote to Pence, "[I]f this was a government bureaucracy, I have no faith that it would be processed in a timely manner and even then, if it would be approved. The idea of a public health care option, as a chronic cancer patient, scares the living hell out of me."

There's so much wrong with that statement that all you can do is shake your head, wish him luck, and wonder if the cancer's gotten to his brain.